Tiger Rabbit

Poor Jackass

PokeBlunt

Pigeon on a UFO

Happy Lion Bad Trainer

Funny People

Funny Monkey

DOG in the Wind

Cat Earth Eating Mouse Moon

Angry Hands

Goat Getting Drunk

Funny Chicken at War

Isaac Asimov

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'

W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Lily Tomlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

David Friedman

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is
generally employed only by small children and large nations.

Erica Jong

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we
didn't.

F. P. Jones

Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognise a mistake
when you make it again.

Oscar Wilde

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Jane Wagner

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should
have been more specific. --

Franklin P. Jones

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
it.

Benito Mussolini

Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day.

Richard Harkness

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.

Franklin P. Jones

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.

Albert Einstein

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Arthur Block

A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

Mark Twain

To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times.

Oscar Wilde

I can resist everything except temptation.

Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Benjamin Franklin

There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

Oscar Wilde

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

William Shakespeare

Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.

Dylan Thomas

When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.

Cordel Hull

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.

Proverb

A rich man's joke is always funny.

Billy Rose

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.

Lao Tsu

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.

Socrates

My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Oscar Wilde

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Mae West

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.

Don Quinn

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.

Helen Rowland

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Socrates

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.

Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

Benny Hill

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

Brendan Gill

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

Alfred Adler

It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.

Shiny Eyes

Fail